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What is the Best Age to Give a Child a Phone?

The question of when to give a child their first cell phone is one that nearly every parent faces in the digital age. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer, but many experts recommend waiting until children are emotionally and mentally prepared to handle the challenges that come with having a mobile device. Below, we explore key factors such as brain development, social pressures, and mental health, and how these aspects can help parents decide the best time to introduce a phone to their child, supported by scientific insights.

Brain Development and Maturity

Research shows that the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for impulse control, decision-making, and understanding consequences, doesn’t fully mature until a person’s mid-20s (Casey, Jones & Hare, 2008). This delayed brain development means that children and even adolescents may struggle with regulating their use of a smartphone. They may find it challenging to make impulsive decisions and understand the long-term consequences of their online actions. Giving a child a phone too early can be akin to giving them a tool they are not yet capable of handling responsibly. For many kids, a phone can become a distraction, such as checking notifications during study time, which can lead to decreased focus, poor school performance, and difficulties in socializing in a healthy way.

In addition to issues with impulse control, excessive screen time can have detrimental effects on cognitive abilities, particularly in teenagers. This includes areas like working memory, the ability to inhibit responses, and the capacity to switch between tasks. For instance, studies have shown a correlation between increased screen time and lower academic performance, including a decline in math proficiency by the fourth grade.

Social and Emotional Considerations

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) suggests delaying the use of smartphones until middle school, around age 12-14, depending on the individual child. According to the AAP, "children who wait until middle school to get a phone are less likely to experience issues like cyberbullying and social media addiction" (AAP, 2016). For example, waiting until middle school can help ensure that a child is better equipped to handle peer pressure and understand the consequences of online actions, thus reducing the likelihood of negative experiences. The AAP highlights that children need to have a strong foundation of social skills and emotional maturity before introducing devices that could expose them to social pressures, cyberbullying, or adult content (AAP, 2016).

Excessive screen time, particularly television viewing, has also been linked to negative psychological effects, such as depression, anxiety, sleep problems, and attention issues. While screens can have positive uses, like being educational tools, it’s essential to manage the exposure to prevent these negative outcomes.

Screen Time and Mental Health

Studies have also found a strong correlation between increased screen time and symptoms of anxiety and depression among young people. For example, research shows that adolescents who spend more than three hours a day on electronic devices are twice as likely to experience symptoms of depression compared to their peers with less screen time (Twenge & Campbell, 2018). Excessive use of devices, especially unsupervised, has been linked to difficulties with emotional regulation, sleep problems, and poor academic outcomes. Parents are encouraged to create boundaries that ensure a healthy balance between screen time and other activities like sports, hobbies, and family time.

A recent large-scale longitudinal study also investigated the long-term impact of digital media use on brain development in children aged 9-11. While the study did not find a significant impact of overall digital media use on cortical or striatal volume development, children who spent more time using social media had a subtle decrease in cerebellum volume. This trend in social media use was accelerated during the last year of the study, possibly due to increased access and time spent online, highlighting the potential impact of social media on the developing brain. The cerebellum is involved in motor movements, cognitive and behavioral tasks, and the processing of rewards and temporal information. The constant stream of stimuli and task-switching often associated with social media use might contribute to these negative effects.

Peer Pressure vs. Readiness

Many children, like Taylor in the story below, may feel social pressure to get a phone simply because "everyone else has one." However, readiness varies from child to child. Experts suggest assessing a child's overall responsibility, such as their ability to keep track of belongings, follow household rules, and manage emotions, before considering giving them a phone. For example, if a child consistently completes their homework without reminders, respects household screen time limits, and takes care of their possessions, they may be more prepared to handle the responsibility of a phone.

Practical Advice for Parents

A gradual introduction to technology can be beneficial, as it allows children to develop responsible habits in a controlled manner before being given more freedom. For example, some parents opt to start with a basic phone, such as the Nokia 3310 or a Jitterbug Flip, that can only make calls or send texts, rather than a smartphone with internet access and social media. This gradual approach helps children build responsible habits over time and learn to use technology without becoming overwhelmed.

It’s also recommended to have open conversations about online safety, privacy, and the risks involved with social media. Parents can initiate these discussions by asking questions like, 'What would you do if someone you don't know tries to message you?' or 'How do you decide what to share online?' to help children think critically about their online behavior. Including specific questions like these can make conversations more actionable and effective.

To help maintain a balance, parents can establish rules such as no phones during homework time, at family meals, or after a certain hour, which can foster healthy digital habits from an early age. Encouraging alternative activities that stimulate development, such as play, physical activity, reading, and social interaction, can also help reduce the reliance on screen time.

Sources:

Casey, B. J., Jones, R. M., & Hare, T. A. (2008). The adolescent brain. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1124(1), 111-126.
American Academy of Pediatrics (2016). Media Use in School-Aged Children and Adolescents. Retrieved from AAP Website.
Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2018). Associations between screen time and lower psychological well-being among children and adolescents: Evidence from a population-based study. Preventive Medicine Reports, 12, 271-283.

To illustrate how these conversations often play out, here’s an example of a discussion between a parent and their child about getting a phone:

Taylor, an 11-year-old girl, sits cross-legged on the couch, holding an imaginary cell phone. Her dad sits opposite her in a comfy armchair. Her mom, who’s known for blending humor with science, is in the kitchen making a smoothie. The family dog, Sparky, lies on the floor, chewing on a squeaky toy.

Taylor: (In a dramatic tone) “Dad, I think it’s time we have a very serious conversation. All my friends have cell phones, and I’m starting to feel like I’m living in the Stone Age. I mean, what’s next? A pet dinosaur?”

Dad: (Leaning back in his chair, amused) “A pet dinosaur, huh? That could be a bit tricky. We don’t have a backyard big enough for a T-Rex. But let’s talk about this phone business. Why do you think you need one right now?”

Taylor: (Rolling her eyes) “Because I’m 11! That’s practically a teenager. I need to be able to text my friends, take selfies, and—oh, I don’t know—maybe just be a normal human being in 2024!”

Dad: “Hmm, interesting. You know, as a child therapist, I’ve seen a lot of kids who were certain they needed something only to realize later they were better off without it. Like that time you begged for a pet tarantula.”

Taylor: (Shrinking back) “That was a phase, okay? And I’m over it. But this is different. This is a phone, not an eight-legged freak.”

Dad: “I hear you. But here’s the thing, Taylor. A phone is like a portal to a whole new world, and not all of it is good. It’s like getting keys to a car before you even know how to drive.”

Mom enters the room, holding a smoothie and overhearing the conversation.

Mom: “And let’s not forget the scientific facts here. Did you know that the prefrontal cortex, which is the part of your brain responsible for decision-making, isn’t fully developed until your mid-20s? Giving you a cell phone now is like giving Sparky here the remote control to the TV.”

Taylor: (Giggling) “Sparky wouldn’t change the channel—he’d just chew on it!”

Mom: “Exactly! And that’s why it’s important to wait. You see, a cell phone isn’t just for texting and selfies. It’s also a gateway to things you might not be ready to handle. Social media, peer pressure, and even those tricky algorithms that are designed to keep you scrolling for hours.”

Taylor: (Sarcastically) “So you’re saying my brain’s not ready? But I can ace all my math tests!”

Dad: “True, and we’re super proud of your math skills. But being good at math doesn’t mean you’re ready to navigate the digital world on your own. It’s like being able to ride a bike—just because you can, doesn’t mean you’re ready to ride on the highway.”

Taylor: “But all my friends have phones! And they seem fine.”

Mom: “Sure, but do you really know how it’s affecting them? The truth is, too much screen time can actually change the way your brain develops. It can make it harder for you to concentrate and even affect your sleep. Remember when you stayed up late watching those cat videos and couldn’t wake up the next morning?”

Taylor: “But that was just one time!”

Dad: “And we’re not saying you’ll never have a phone. We just think waiting a couple more years will make sure you’re really ready. Plus, you’ll appreciate it even more when you finally get it.”

Taylor: (Sighing) “So, you’re saying I have to wait until I’m 13? That’s like a million years away!”

Dad: “It feels like that, doesn’t it? But think of it this way—when you do get your phone, you’ll be wiser, more responsible, and you’ll know exactly how to use it without it using you.”

Taylor: “And what if I promise to be super responsible now? I’ll even let Sparky have a turn on the remote!”

Mom: “Nice try, but responsibility isn’t just about making promises. It’s about proving you can handle it. And right now, we’re not sure you’re ready for the responsibility that comes with having a phone.”

Dad: “Look, Taylor, we know it’s hard to be patient. But trust us on this one. We’re just trying to give you the best chance to grow up without the distractions that come with having a phone too early. Besides, there are plenty of other ways to stay in touch with your friends.”

Taylor: (Pauses, thinking) “Okay, but can I at least have a tin can phone like they used in the olden days?”

Mom: (Laughing) “Sure, we can make that happen. And you know what? You’ll be the coolest kid on the block with the most retro communication device ever.”

Taylor: (Smiling) “Fine, I’ll wait another year. But when that day comes, I want a phone that’s so cool, it makes Sparky jealous!”

Dad: “Deal. And who knows? By then, we might even have a pet dinosaur.”